Damn it,,,,I miss childhood.

In this night let me yell,…..Its October folks,, yes it is. I wonder who the folks are this cold night way after midnight. You see I’m the sleepy head type but for some weird reason sleep and I are partying ways. I said October because its my birthday month.I turned twenty this month. Did I just explain reasons for staying up late?  Well lets get there. First, each birthday is an ironical milestone that awakens some lifelong fears.Mine were awakened and I suddenly miss teenage.

For the first time in the human race and its history, a woman has stated her years in public.Sorry roomie, go back to sleep its just me banging up my keyboard at three A.M., not some bastard drugging us and stealing from us,,,Kenyan hostels..aaarrrgghh I deviate a lot. So back to where I was. I turned 20 this week ,on the 15th to be precise. Keep your belated cards and cakes coming dear ones.The only consolation I had was, mmmh, I am still on the safe side of twenty.

There is something sinister that scares the hell out of people once they are out of teens..like here you come girl, all grown up sort of stuff.Getting out of teenage has made me wonder if i will be able to make it i life,I mean with death so near yet so far.? I am writing this with emotions in remembrance of two fallen age-mates. Death make you thank God profusely on your birthday. Fears are awakened when one grows up. The M-pesa messages from family start to thinly diminish, the cute eyes and sighs that everyone gives you change to hard stares of high expectations from everyone.

There is the comfort of acceptance in teenage loudly absent in adulthood..everyone accepts teenage stupidity but not adult stupidity…you will never hear things like, stop sneaking around like an adult…point is I still think am unprepared for adult perfection.I still want to make allowed mistakes. Goof around and get smiles and not stares,anger or worse, pity.

Those goddamn ambitions start to haunt grownups….society has a set silent yet loudly written timetable of what and where one has to be in regard  to a certain age.Mine were a widely read blog by the time am 20.Well, that still seems like a dream because even Bing does not recognize the URL of this blog…I had to google Google in Bing then google my URL in Google…hope you get it.Too much stuff in my head right now.

The beauty of 20 and in campus however is, you are always encouraged by peers to open those wings and fly to nowhere, just fly until the energy is sapped out of the body, rest and take off again…with the hope of finding your ideal destination one day. Ooooh  and the energy in 20 is priceless. In 20, there is that sovereignty ,,,that rare gem of chance..of choosing what fits and what  does not, what works and what does not….what heals and what kills…and the flexibility of change is enormous at this stage.

Its been long since I last penned an article here. Don’t ban me yet, WordPress. A year older has awakened  that desire of doing and keeping on going until something happens…and praying too…so to write I will, until the readers come by, and with my words they sway, to their own worlds of pleasure, understanding and self discovery.

Got to go now.Sleep is creeping in me slowly.Thank you God for the gift of another year. Happy birthday to me and all new young adults. Raise an invisible glass to our confusion in this web of adulthood,the journey and the ultimate destination.To the many years of togetherness and lessons,cheers.Ciao!

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